Mexican Stand-Off

I was sitting in a toilet cubicle today, not an ideal starting point I know but run with me on this. Anyway sitting in a toilet cubicle today inside the company building. There are three toilet cubicles in this bathroom including one disabled one with its own mirror and basin.

This particular bathroom is the one most frequently used and happens to be right next to my department so fair to say it's my local.

I can't help as I sit there but giggle a little at the similar thoughts that cubicle neighbours must share when having the hugely awkward task of relieving yourself. I always lay down toilet paper, basically everywhere, to stop any residue touching me and while those of us all sitting there in the hope of relieving ourselves stumble across the want and ability to go to the bathroom find ourselves in the everso frustrating situation of having to sit on the toilet until you are alone in the bathroom or until someone flushes, which provides a window of opportunity to let go a little while the flush covers any untoward sounds. Nothing worse than the painfully unpredictable bowel sounds that arise when trying to go to the bathroom with company. Only today an unidentified neighour let off a little in the process of weeing. This would embarrass me but at the same time I couldn't help but feel a strong sense of understanding for my no doubt red-faced companion. While at that stage you're unidentified, you can't stay in there forever, however unspoken toilet code states that you let the guilty party wash their hands and leave before exiting your cubicle, it's the decent thing to do and cancels out any awkward "ah so you're the face to the fart" moments.

People don't always follow this code and you end up in a mexican stand-off, wondering who the fuck is going to exit the toilet first, I don't care who you are, just leave and let me do my thing.

This seems like a small gripe I know, perhaps it's just me who thinks like this.

A friendly observation

My best friend recently left overseas for a bit of soul-searching and to gain I guess the worldliness that opens up your mind and ideally your life.

I am yet to go on my little adventure yet and won't be for a while. I am resisting the urge to be a homebody and get out and try new things, new countries, but have successfully managed to put as many obstacles in my own path as possible, the old favourite "career" sticks its head in at this stage letting me know it's not a good time to leave, to try get a leg up over everyone who essentially treds career water while they're overseas exploring famous landmarks and pashing foreigners.

I have basically given myself a deadline until next year, after a particular event, that I will leave after that, if I leave it any longer then I'll quite simply be too old. It's odd that this date looms like a cloud when it should be more like light at the end of the tunnel. I do want to go overseas but perhaps it's my hopelessness in logistical matters - what gate number? which bus route? - that is putting me off which seems somewhat pathetic I know, but a concern I do have.

I guess it's the fear that if you go overseas in the search for yourself and come back with nothing more than what you left with, then what was the point? The old what if creeps in and the idea of regret pains me, no moreso than the guaranteed regret I'll feel if I don't go overseas and instead make the assumption that it wouldn't of made a difference to my life path anyway.

Now, I am not religious, but I do believe our paths are roughly set out for us however I have the self-despising trait of far too many girls in thinking far too much and over-analyzing the unnecessary.

The weird thing is, the one thing I haven't thought much about at all, which almost means it's made up it's own mind on the matter and doesn't require analysis, it is not sitting on the fence in any way, is that I don't miss my best friend at all.

That said, I think I've just opened up another can of worms. My best friend is gone and she barely crosses my mind. Why on earth not?

My first thought

I write my first blog with pins and needles in my legs, therefore slightly uncomfortable but welcoming the distraction of my first entry.

I've been thinking about how I need to get my thoughts out of my head and moulded into something firm, like words on paper. I'm feeling a bit cluttered, like I'm wasting valuable brain space with vague ideas and meaningless notions.

Hopefully this may pave the way for more important things to leap-frog such thoughts and become priority.

My lack of organisation spills out of my head and floods every part of my everyday living, perhaps if I organise my head a bit better then it'll lead to a better handling on those external things that I feel I never have control of.

I watched Julia and Julia the other day and, while uninspired by Amy Adams acting all round and the general lack of character in her actual character, had the starting-a-blog-idea put to me. I am no writer and am so very status-quo that I'd hardly expect anyone to read any of my average rantings, they are not break-through, challenging, hardline, politically-loaded writings, calling on cyberspace debate by fellow users. They won't be interesting, I am not trying to use this as a forum to recruit cult followers in some inevitable mass suicide nor will I be cooking every Julia Childs recipe in some mid-life crisis.

Nothing remotely interesting going on here, I suggest you don't waste your time reading, this is merely my brain online.